Operation Clown Face

She had a thought that wearing a rainbow wig would distract us from the fact that she was an agent of the enemy. Her ignorance was comical, as she tried to pillage and scam our treasury. By now, mom was debriefed on all manner of horrors the barrels planned to unleash, and she began an effective psy-ops campaign.

First, she says, pretend you are unaware of her scandalous tricks. Then, when she's comfortable that she's got you as a pawn, she'll either leave herself open for countermeasures, or she'll be worthless and you can use her as fodder. Fodder, she smirked, fodder is when you stifle the opponent because it thinks it's agent is effective, then you reveal that the agent was worthless and they've wasted resources. After that things get heated and tend to blow up.

It was a great plan, but Mr. J was nowhere to be found. His last known whereabouts were on the west side of Grand Rapids where, I hear he was hiding in an attic. If I have to save the world alone I will, but the propaganda posters will all show him as the archetypal coward playing video games and snuggling barrels... until doom comes...

(sigh)

Delightful Findings

Day 58

"Nobody is going to take us seriously unless we get uniforms. Can you honestly say you'd trust a police man in pajama pants?"

We were walking into hostile territory. There were barrels everywhere, and it seemed the place was packed with pedophiles. The young man beside me was barely fifteen but stood the size of a grown adult now... That's beside the point, and anyway, he's into big girls, all of them were looking. Just as he's blushing hard over one especially obtuse woman, he turns to me and says:

"How am I supposed to eat this?"

He was holding the plastic knife and fork all wrong, I assumed because he was stupified by all the attention. So I laughed a lot while explaining to him the etiquette of eating off a paper plate.

Eventually we made our way to the other end of the mall and found some really good shirts. The kind of shirts a barrel mashing hero can be taken seriously in.

Ballsy? Likely.
Glorious? Always.

Horrifying discovery

Day 101

I went to my friends house.. At least it was his house before the barrel apocalypse.. And what I had seen was truly horrifying. All the barrels had left there garbage all over the house along with my dead friends body. I had never seen anything as disturbing as this.

Doughnuts and Peanuts

Day 55

A tiny voice called from behind the chair:

"hey guess what"
"What?"
"PEANUTS!"

It was junior, little did he know the barrels were coming... And today he'd save the world.

The barrels were circling, the signs were written in the stars. Vultures circled with fate on their side. I thought it was the end, said my prayers and made peace with God. So there I am on a muddy road on the outskirts of civilisation, when one little boy invokes the power word that renders barrels inert.

"HEY GUESS WHAT"
"Not now junior, can't you see there's a barrel apocalypse coming?"
"NOPE! :-) DOUGH-NUTS!"

The barrels tried their power move as they felt consciousness slip away, spilling all their contents on the ground and rolling toward me slowly. Junior,  amazed that screaming doughnuts could knock over a trash bin, began screaming it over and over while laughing his face off.

"DOOOUGHNUTS!"
"PEANUTS!"
"DOUGH NUTS!"

Everything might turn out ok.

Am i going to live? Im all alone

Day 1

What will they do with me? Will I survive?

The myans were right except they got the date wrong its July 6 2008. I'm all alone now, one by one all humans dropped dead. Its just me all alone and the barrels.

Missing stuffing

Day 34

My stuffing is missing. 

I know that the barrels ate all my stuffing. Someday.. I'm going to get my stuffing back. I need my stuffing.

Lurking on the Porch

Day 11

It's been three days since I saw my cat.

There's a new barrel lurking outside, too close to my door. I'm uneasy and it's getting hard and harder to sleep at night. The noise and smell coming from this barrel are overpowering at times, and all I wasn't to do is roll it over to the curb. I suspect this may be some form of mind control powered by cat whiskers, but I can't be sure...